


memories of heaven, for when i get old

by driedflowers



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driedflowers/pseuds/driedflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>It could have been perfect. A nice story to tell her kids someday, Maureen thinks.</em> Your mother and I were just friends, until a gross high school boy dared us to kiss. <em>But it was just a kiss on a dare, and Maureen reading into it doesn’t make it any more than that. Just because it lasted longer than strictly necessary doesn’t mean Clary is wildly in love with her.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	memories of heaven, for when i get old

**Author's Note:**

> beta'd by katmknamara on tumblr through shadowhuntersbetas! thanks!
> 
> title from together forever in love by go sailor

Simon texts their group chat at eight. He says he’s very sorry, Clary and Maureen, but his grandmother is in town, and he’s being dragged to Shul, so he can’t make their sleepover.

It’s not a big deal that Simon’s cancelled on them; Maureen and Clary have had plenty of sleepovers with just the two of them. It’s just a coincidence that they haven’t spent any time alone together in the past two weeks.

Clary answers the door in socks and a batman t-shirt and gives Maureen a tentative smile. Maureen returns it, and spends maybe a bit too long looking at Clary’s lips. She can’t help but remember the feel of Clary’s lips on hers, kissing in a room full of loud music and prying eyes. When she meets Clary’s eyes again, she knows Clary has been thinking about that night, too.

Maureen clears her throat. “Um. Are we still watching Saw?” Simon had always been the one who liked horror movies.

“Yeah, I guess,” Clary says, taking Maureen’s sleeping bag and talking over her shoulder as she leads Maureen into her room. “It’s on Netflix, so.”

They watch the movie on Clary’s bed. It’s a massive struggle not to grab onto Clary at every jump scare, but Maureen manages it. Her nails have dug crescent shaped indents in her palms by the time the end credits roll.

It’s only ten-thirty when they finish brushing their teeth and putting on pajamas. Normally, they might spend an hour or two talking: about tv, their graphic novel, people at school, anything. But not tonight. She needs to give Clary some space. Maureen fakes a yawn, makes up some excuse about not wanting to fuck over her sleep schedule too badly, and Clary turns out the lights.

It’s not the fact that they kissed that’s keeping Maureen from falling asleep tonight. Well, it’s a little bit that. Yeah, a lot that. When she closes her eyes, the kiss plays over and over again. She lets it go for a few times before the guilt gets to her. Because what’s really keeping her from falling asleep is the reason she can’t let herself keep on reliving this. After their kiss, Clary... left. Quickly.

It could have been perfect. A nice story to tell her kids someday, Maureen thinks. _Your mother and I were just friends, until a gross high school boy dared us to kiss_. But it was just a kiss on a dare, and Maureen reading into it doesn’t make it any more than that. Just because it lasted longer than strictly necessary doesn’t mean Clary is wildly in love with her. There could be a million other reasons Clary did it. Maybe it was to make Simon jealous.

There’s a rustling of sheets on Clary’s bed. Maureen freezes, irrationally scared for an instant that Clary can read her thoughts.

A whisper comes from above. “Maureen, are you awake?”

“Yeah.”

There’s some more rustling, and the sound of feet on the floor. “This is lame, but I’m kind of scared.” She pauses. “Can we, um, sit together for a while? And, talk or something?”

Maureen nods, and then remembers Clary probably can’t see her in the dark. “Yeah,” she says, and Clary clicks on a lamp and sits down next to her, wrapping a blanket around of their shoulders.

Maureen’s whole body tenses. It looks like she isn’t going to be able to give Clary much space. But Clary is clearly perfectly alright with how things are, so Maureen lets herself calm down.

“I lied,” Clary says sheepishly, after a couple of minutes.

Maureen doesn’t answer, hoping that Clary will take her silence as an invitation to elaborate.

She does. “About why I wanted to talk.” Clary exhales audibly. “I’m not scared. I wanted to talk about the party... I’ve been thinking so much about it. About when we kissed.”

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s late at night, or maybe it’s the just extreme hopelessness of it all, but this doesn’t quite feel real. She wonders if expecting it will soften the blow that’s about to come. If you can ever really be prepared for rejection.

“Just— thanks for coming over, even though you knew I liked you and everything.”

It takes a second for Clary’s words to sink in. And then, when they do, it takes a great deal of restraint not to grab Clary by the face and kiss her again. There might be time for that later, Maureen thinks, but they have to talk at least a little bit.

Maureen slides an arm around Clary’s shoulder and squeezes. “You know nothing like that could ever ruin our friendship, right?”

Clary smiles and scrunches her nose up at Maureen, and it’s almost too much effort not to kiss her now.

“I know,” Clary says, shaking her head and smiling at her lap. “I thought for a second there that you might— This is stupid. Forget about it.”

“That I might like you, too?” Holding out on Clary any longer would just be mean. But it’s hard to say it out loud, even though Maureen knows it’s exactly what Clary wants to hear. “Because I do. Like you.”

They grin at each other like idiots for a moment in the semidarkness. Clary scrunches her nose again, and this time Maureen doesn’t have to stop herself. She kisses the tip of Clary’s nose, kisses her lips. Maureen has a feeling she won’t have to stop herself anymore.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm at gayclaryfray on tumblr :3


End file.
